Month: February 2015

Definition of Self

I want to get another tattoo or color my hair a crazy color. I am at a lost for ways to define myself nondestructively in a society where the rest of the human race seems to so easily be able to form identities based on a jobs, religions or family roles per se. There is…

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Remembrance for the Pain

Anything that caused a deep alteration in my mental perception of reality I welcomed with intense anticipation because of how deeply I used to despise my own existence. Living underneath my skin was so deeply discomforting, I itched with every twist and turn of the moment waiting for relief from this burning discomfort. There were,…

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Growth?

I aimlessly took out my car and went for a drive, chain-smoking cigarettes and chugging my dirty chai, went for a drive speeding down the highway in an attempt to clear my clouded mind. I am starting to eat again but it is so far from that freaking simple. Emotions run wild. They are no…

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Borderline in a Nutshell

To begin discussing how borderline personality has affected my life is quite the challenging task. For the laymen, I am way overly sensitive and highly emotionally reactive. Like Linehan says, I walk around with “third degree burns.” Everything you tell me bounces through my mental filter so that I hear something totally different from what…

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The Beast Returns

The wasteland of anorexia desecrates my exterior shell while taking my mind prisoner, my thoughts held captive under its dictating wrath. Over the years I have harnessed, trained and beaten a once foreign and intangible form of suffering that I could not understand nor cope with onto my body- a tangible way of tunneling all…

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