Month: April 2015

It’s Sort of Cool

“I’m interested in all of this, but not the way I used to be. My concern is no longer what BPD is or whether I have it. My focus, and where I’m headed, is answering the question of how we finally transcend the illness and yet keep traveling along with our borderline nature— our intense,…

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Unspeakable Fear Of Connection

I am incredibly sensitive and feel trapped, engulfed by an increasingly overwhelming burden of painful shame yet have enough knowledge to know a drink will not alleviate the discomfort but only increase its intensity in both strength and magnitude. And yet still cannot help myself form cautiously sneaking back to that familiar place of longing…

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Parts Of Me

I am terrified and yet in awe of the powering force behind my dark side, of that girl I see in the mirrored glass of the bottle, in my image as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror shockingly horrified as I hold a loaded syringe with one hand with a shot glass…

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Through A Wasteland Called Anorexia

I write this somewhat grieving my anorexia. In the wake of starvation, no longer using drugs to cope but still deeply unnerved by discomforting emotion I am left with an internal emptiness, a somber silence and an ambivalent nostalgia for its return. It’s a bittersweet aftermath; all the while beginning to notice laughter around the…

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Journey to Sobriety

“The truth gnaws at you. In periodic flashes like that I’d be painfully aware that I was living badly, just plain living wrong. But I refused to completely acknowledge or act on that awareness, so the feeling just festered inside like a tumor gradually eating away at my sense of dignity. You know and you…

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