Month: May 2015

Autobiographical Essay That Got Me Accepted Into Columbia University In New York City (2012)

I was told throughout my childhood that I was inquisitive, as I would seek beyond face value and the simplistic explanations often given to children my age. My mother relates an anecdote when I was merely four years old, which illustrates this curiosity; she recalls a specific episode from the television show Animal Planet that…

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Just Another Day…

I am feeling overwhelmed by the emptiness of my life today. With a lack of passion for living in general and no job or hobbies or classes or upcoming exciting events I am dulled by the mundane repetition of each passing day as I procrastinate commencing the online search for work or volunteer opportunities. It’s…

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Emotional Reactivity

The past couple days living in my skin has felt unbearable. I panic- sweaty and shaky hands, heart pounding, shallow breathing to the point of hyperventilation overcome me, racing thoughts and a sense of dissociation from reality when I think about my relapse or fears about staying sober or possible rejection and so on. I…

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Depression & Suicide

As feelings of sadness gloomed over my horizon the old familiar urge to jump out my skin came in anticipation of the discomfort. I always needed to escape emotional pain. From an outside perspective one would assume there existed a literal worm crawling underneath the outermost layer of my arms cuticle membrane the way in…

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Old Journal Entry 2

July 10, 2014 My mom tells me I am lovable but I only see hopelessness and despair in the reflection staring back at me in the mirror on the few occasions I recognize or connect to that girl at all. If this is how I am going to always feel in sobriety, drowning under the…

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The Pains of Isolation

The thoughts in my head are so loud I cannot tune them out. I try to imagine every negative cognition as a passing wave or a moving cloud, temporary and indefinite but am drowning by their self-deprecating nature. I know my head becomes a cesspool for the rise of my alcoholism and anorexia when I…

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