Wanting to Use

I have an infected root canal and was prescribed percocet from an endodontist. Taking pain medication has ignited my physical and mental craving for drugs. My alcoholism has taken over and I am feeling powerless to stop the obsession in my mind. Today was supposed to be the mouth surgery but since antibiotics have not…

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Waking Up- Suicide Survival

I tried and failed…again- after not hearing from me for over 24 hours my parents called the police to come to my apartment. There I was nearly dead from an intentional heroin overdose, wrists slit, bathtub filled, blood everywhere and a note in my desk drawer. I passed out before making it into the water…

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Trouble letting go

“We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate — thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising.” ~Maya Angelou WHAT NEEDS TO BE LET GO OF: Obsessive thoughts Attachment to destructive old behavior Trying…

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Why Do I Not Know Better?

“Starving, like all disorders of appetite, is a solution to a wide variety of conflicts and fears, or at least it starts out resembling a solution: Something feels perversely good, or right, or gratifying about it, some key seems to slide into place, some distress is assuaged, and the benefits of this are strong enough…

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Alcoholism + BPd = Deadly Combination

I must be a small percentage of the “lucky” few to land two diagnosis, alcoholism and borderline personality disorder, both of which perfectly intersect with issues surrounding loneliness in addition to feeling empty, hollow and/or incomplete. Both intertwined with the other, nearly quadrupling the accompanying misery, very often has me considering death as the only…

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Acceptance To Surrender

When first put the drink down, ripping off old treasured protective cloaks of armor I used as a shell to deflect social distresses and hide who I really was out of sight in pretending I was a lot cooler and more out-going than in reality I found the world outside my familiar horrifying. Before coming…

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